The Fall
I was a boy raised in the church — full of faith — who walked into the world and got consumed by it. Lost in lust, alcohol, and the illusion of freedom.
I lived for pleasure. Sex, drugs, alcohol — whatever felt good. I treated every day like it was owed to me and tomorrow was guaranteed. Blackouts were normal. My faith was gone, my discipline was gone, and I was fine with it.
The Crash
Summer 2023 — first time home in three years. Went to a St. Louis Cardinals game with my family. A few drinks turned into another blackout. The last thing I remember was ordering Scooby Snacks. The next morning, I woke up folded over a blue chair in a hospital lobby — no phone, no wallet, no keys. Just shame. I walked miles through St. Louis in the same clothes, trying to piece together what happened. When my parents picked me up, I realized how far gone I was.
I hadn’t seen my family in three years. And that’s how I greeted them — disappearing to chase a drink. To say I was ashamed was an understatement. I knew this wasn’t who I was created to be. It wasn’t the first time, but it was the moment I finally saw the truth.
The Decision
A few months later, my brother visited. Different story, same ending. Lakers game. Shots. Blackout. Throwing up in an Uber. Another weekend wasted. That was my last drink — January 22, 2024.
I knew what my life was like with alcohol but I didn’t really know what my adult life was like without it. I had gone weeks, maybe one month without it before. But what would happen if I kept going?
My goal was to be six months alcohol free. I found that around the four month mark I started to enjoy this new life. By the time I got to six months, I said let’s try a year. At the time of writing this I’m nearly at a year and ten months clean.
The Awakening
Sobriety stripped me down to nothing. No escape. No identity. No fake confidence. I had to face who I was without alcohol — and I didn’t like the silence. But over time, I started rebuilding. I picked up new hobbies. I made friends. I became more active, more intentional. I started reading, hiking, traveling, seeking God again.
The Struggle
For a lack of poetry, sometimes I still want to get wrecked.
The party boy in me isn’t dead. He’s just waiting. Sobriety isn’t about being better than others — it’s about being better than who I was. I still struggle with lust, language, discipline, and faith. But I’m fighting back with purpose.
The Great I Am
God watched me leave Him. He watched me trade His ways for the pleasures of this world. He watched me mistreat myself and others around me. He watched me put my life and the life of others in jeopardy. He watched me lie. He watched me cheat. He watched me steal. He watched me love the sin I was living in yet He still loved me and patiently waited for me to come home.
The Prodigal Son - A young man demands his inheritance early, leaves home, and wastes it all on wild living. Broke and humiliated, he ends up feeding with pigs and realizes how far he’s fallen. He returns home expecting rejection — but instead, his father runs to him, embraces him, and celebrates his return.
“Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners from their sin and I am the worst sinner. And yet God had loving-kindness for me. Jesus Christ used me to show how long He will wait for even the worst sinners. In that way, others will know they can have life that lasts forever also.” (1 Timothy 1:15-16)
The Challenge
Without action nothing changes.
What’s holding you back from being better today?
Why is making a change important to you?
What struggle are you facing today that could become your testimony tomorrow?
What happens if you do nothing?